not a child bride

At What Would Phoebe Do:

The unfortunate fact of female sexuality in our society is that too-young is very quickly followed by too-old - to conceive, or even to attract many men in the first place. 'You're not allowed to date, young lady' (from conservatives) or 'You're too young to settle down' (from liberals) segues almost instantaneously into 'What, no boyfriend?' The elusive window-of-opportunity - not the Pill, not the tendency of 20-somethings in crappy relationships to end those relationships - is the problem. 

Solutions? Since the biological clock is unlikely to budge, it's clear we have to look, at least in part, at the younger end of the spectrum. As it stands, all long-term romantic commitments begun prior to age 30 are viewed as having rushed into things. Without reverting to a system where women are stigmatized for not having settled down by 21, we could shift to one in which 23-year-old couples wouldn't be treated like experimenting middle-schoolers. I wouldn't suggest encouraging those who wouldn't do so otherwise to marry or similar at 20. I would suggest removing the stigma that says that to be well-educated and impressive and so on, you have to find 'that special someone' at 29-and-a-half, marry at 31, and reproduce before (horrors!) 35. I'd instead encourage the happy couples 18-25 that exist anyway not to end their relationships simply because 'there's so much more to experience.'

via Andrew Sullivan

Phoebe thankfully acknowledges that these views - about when it is ok to marry - are representative of only a certain subset of Western culture. But she's right in saying that powerful voices in media/policy/culture often belong to this subset, so these beliefs influence a lot of people.

I completely agree that too-young is followed quickly by too-old, and that trying to fit a relationship into these narrow parameters is harmful to individuals and inhibits a stable society (creating doubt where it doesn't need to be and withholding support from relationships that could be stable and committed if they just had a little encouragement.)

It is particularly strange for people like me, who grow up and go to college in an environment where it is common to marry in your early twenties, and then live and work in an environment where it is common to marry in your late twenties, early thirties, or never. I've been called a "child bride" and overheard acquaintances saying "she's married and she's just a baby!"

jonathanstoner.com

I'll admit, before I agreed to marry Mr. V I wondered, "Is this a good choice? Is there more to experience?" And the thing is, yes, there is always more to experience. But in marrying - or in any big, definitive life choice - you close the doors on experiences #1-50 and open the doors on experiences #51-100.  And I decided, after much consideration, that I was more interested in experiences #51-100.

So it's strange that acquaintances feel comfortable questioning my judgement, right in front of me, because I married at 22 instead of whatever age is considered the "correct" age. But, it's also impolite and inconsiderate when acquaintances from other backgrounds ask, "Anybody special? Well aren't you ever going to get married? Your clock is ticking!" and imply that if you aren't married you aren't an adult.  We need a different metric of adulthood besides marriage - they are not interchangeable.

Phoebe's article was in response to a piece about declining fertility in the U.S. which is why she mentions that "the biological clock is unlikely to budge." And that is a frustration for another day....